TRANSMUTING SHAME - Shame Can Be Overcome. To do get beyond it--the shame must be transmuted. Here's how.

Shame is the condition of being disconnected from the truth of who and what we are. The experience of the disconnect is very painful and quite disorienting. It opens up a space of darkness within us that the mind then explains or justifies as being there “because we are bad” or “there is something wrong with me.” This area of darkness breeds many negative emotions that mix together in this kind of heavy emotional goo—anger, resentment, frustration, sadness, loneliness, guilt, mistrust, doubt, hatred, self-loathing and more. These “shame pockets” get lodged in the physical body and tied into both negative beliefs and negative judgments. Many mechanisms are built around these pockets to keep them as they are—undisturbed and hidden—at all costs. And with those mechanisms there are patterns of behavior and self sabotage to further ensure the continuation of the existence of the shame pockets.

Uncovering and eradicating shame is particularly difficult because of how these shame pockets are constructed and maintained and that their aim is to stay hidden at ALL costs. BUT it can be done. Two key understandings are necessary before we dive in to the “here’s how to get it done” list. 1) These shame pockets are organized by themes. They may be interrelated, but each “topic” has its own pocket with a whole set of mechanisms around it. So taking shame “topic by topic” or area by area is the way to go. 2) Ultimately the work that needs to be done is spiritual in nature, because the original rift or separation is spiritual in nature. More on this to come.

So to begin your journey of dismantling and releasing shame, first identity the specific “pocket” or theme you are going after. Once you have identified the area of shame that you are ready to transform and transmute, you can begin working on these steps:

1. Relinquish your claim on and attachment to victim hood in this area and the identity you have established with and through your shame. Commit yourself to the journey of transmutation from darkness to light—wherein you can reclaim your true power and true identity in the light.
2. ​Detach yourself from your shame. Separate your SELF out. Identify your true self—the “untainted” or pure self who existed before there was shame. I am not my shame. My shame is not me. It does not own me—I am not owned by it. If it helps to visualize the shame as something physical that is not you, then allow that visual to take shape. You can establish another visual of the TRUE SELF that is untainted by shame and retains full power.
3. Understand that shame is caused by and results in separation from yourself, from god and from others. As such, you lose access to your own power—and therefore feel “powerless” and/or stuck in the situation. (Also note that we often feel ashamed of our shame which is one of the mechanisms to keep it hidden). See where the separations have taken place and where the power has been lost. Look back over the timeline of your life to see where the separations occurred. Significant traumas or emotionally upsetting situations are likely events—in addition to a let down of built up expectations.
4. Around each “shame pocket” or area of shame within you, there are a number of mechanisms in place to maintain the “condition of shame” for that area. Begin to notice what the mechanisms are for this shame pocket and how they function. These will include (1) core-wounding beliefs, (2) judgments, (3) emotional distress patterns, and (4) body sensations/physical pain or discomfort. Also notice what is the (5) negative self talk and (6) paralysis patterns that occur around the shame. Also notice any (7) addictive behaviors that mask or protect against feeling the pain of the shame. These can also show up in (8) patterns of self-sabotage. This work can take some time.
5. As you work on #4, simultaneously begin the reconnection process. This will partly be releasing of old and partly establishing new. There will be a number of steps required to accomplish this. So really, #s 4-7 will interweave with one another. This is the reconciliation process—primarily with self and with god. Likely this will require forgiveness work as well
6. Establish a new positive core belief that references a connected and powerful experience in this area. Likely, this will be a set of interrelated beliefs. These must “ring true”. If you don’t believe them from the very core of your being, you cannot use them to overcome the shame.
7. Design new behaviors that will help you embody the new core beliefs and give you new experiential evidence
8. As you are working on 4-7, you will likely encounter voices, ideas, beliefs and judgments that are not yours. Some sources might be: family members, teachers, community leaders, religious groups, bosses, partners and others. As you embrace what is the true you, it may be necessary to “face” these old sources in order to reclaim territory you previously gave up. This will allow you to move into the new terrain. (One possibility for doing this would be to write a letter that you won’t necessarily send)
9. Begin the journey of addressing and dismantling these shame pockets. This must be done on multiple levels simultaneously: body/emotional/mental. Ultimately, the healing will come with spiritual reconnection. Some of the shame you encounter may be inherited from your family. Recognize if any of what you encounter fits that description.
10. The shame pockets can serve as a feeding ground for the forces of darkness. Light must be be brought in to heal wounds, reframe beliefs, engage self-love, self-acceptance and self-compassion. The pain held within the body must be released.